Sports Scholarships are an Oxymoron
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
--Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
--Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle"
--Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my
clothes."
--Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a
color photo of himself above his locker
"You guys line up alphabetically by height"
--Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem
to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in
school."
--Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because
of academic requirements
"I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get
in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class"
--George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for
three years, not Princeton."
--Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter
Don King
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
-- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his
visit to Greece
Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they
failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play
in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was
fill-in-the-blank.
The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________."
Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed
to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the
professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.
"Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"
Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't
noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so dumb. Everyone
knows Old MacDonald had a farm."
"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2
pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped.
Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do
you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled
E-I-E-I-O."